Trust Issues

(not about condoms)

Why do I find it hard to trust people? Sometimes, I keep on wondering what is it in others that make me doubt their intentions. I often ask myself, why I hold back every time I try to interact with others even when I’ve been with them for a couple of years…

Recently, I was interviewed for the graduation awards by the school committee. We were 14 interviewees, 13 of them, except me, were presidents of various organizations in the campus (that’s why I was wondering why I was there… a mere honorary member of two to three orgs). When I came in the dungeon room, I was nervous, especially since everything was being videotaped. Then, the panel threw me a question about my weakness. I paused for a while and started to think if I will answer it with my usual ‘answer’ (a memorized response intended for my job interviews). In that case, my answer would have been ‘being too perfectionist… I always aspire for excellence and set high standards for myself and for others… and bla bla bla…”It was, according to my English teacher, a positive weakness (???). I, however, answered differently. I said, my greatest weakness is giving trust to others. And now, I regret answering it that way. It’s completely negative in all perspective.

I am not a loner. I am very much adaptive to the environment. I easily mingle with others and am very friendly. But there’s just a part of me that seem not to believe the genuineness and truthfulness of others. I keep on thinking that one way or another, these people, who I’m considering as my friends, would then betray me in the long-run. I want to be prepared when that day comes. It is safer to have impersonal, aka professional, relationship with others than be so emotionally attached to them. I’ve been betrayed a number of times, and the feeling sucks. I don’t want that to happen again. I decided to rethink my principles and change it for the better. I’m a whole new Mike now… ready for anything.

I never regret the kindness and hospitality I am bestowing to others. I’ll remain calm and serene, just the way I used to. Just don’t be overshadowed by my coolness and care. It has limitations. I am a fighter who can and will stab others’ back if they push me to. So, scared? Don't be... just kidding... Frontal thrust is more manly... ^___^