CHAPTER 1
(Originally written by Kate; made more interesting by Mike and Ailish)
He walked towards the locked door, unlocked it and slammed on his way out. He's gone... he went away with somebody else, with one of my closest friends. I was left alone with a tear in my eyes and pain in my heart…
There are truckloads of mess piled up on my study table that night -my unfinished plates in drawing, my 20-item unsolved problems in geometry and my homework in chemistry. My aunt had called me for a dinner but my empty stomach doesn't want to be filled. I just said "busog pa po..." I heard her say 'ang payat-payat na nga di pa kumakain, mamamatay ka diyan sa ginagawa mo'. I whispered "I wish I did..."
The phone rang. I hurriedly went towards the telephone. I was very eager to know who called. I wished it was him.. I hoped it was him.. I prayed it was him who called to say he's changing his mind. That he still needs me. That he still loves me. When i reached the phone I hurriedly lifted it. The voice on the other line was unfamiliar and he was looking for my cousin. My cousin laughed at me while saying "Pahiya ka no? Akala mo naman kasi laging sa'yo".
Feeling disappointed, I went back to my room and seated in front of the mirror. I stared at myself and uttered "asa ka pa…"
I took a deep breath. Suddenly, tears fell down cascading on my cheeks. Then one by one the memories of the past echoed in my memory...
I remembered how it was like during the first time I entered the university. I didn't like the place. I never dreamt of studying there. "Hindi dapat ako nandoon, dapat nasa Baguio ako, dapat nursing student ako. Si lolo kasi...” Until such time I got used to my new environment and everything that surrounds me became a common place.
One time my instructor in P.E. grouped the class into 5 groups. The grouping was based on our seating arrangement. Seating beside me was a chinky-eyed, fair-skinned man, about 6 ft tall. "Tsk... tsk... ka-group ko yung masungit na intsik..." The group i belonged was always commended. We were tagged as the 'best group' in class. Courtesy of him. He always had his good ideas - it made me notice him.
Chemistry is one of my fave subjects. I would go to one corner of the room, away from my classmates just to listen as attentively as I can. But one time, during our chemistry class, he sat beside me. He asked me if I could make him a poem. I said "ok" and hoped he would stop but to my surprise, he talked, talked and talked. That was the very first time I missed taking notes from my Chem class - the very first time I allowed somebody to interrupt me from listening. It all started there. We began to call each other at night and talk until dawn.
One weekend, we were at one of our classmate's house, doing our homework in drawing. He handed me a piece of paper. On that paper was written "I love you...”
..I was dumbfounded...
Few weeks later while waiting for our professor for the next subject one of my friends asked me in front of the class and in front of him if I love him too. Cornered, I looked at him. He was busy manipulating his calculator, as if nothing was happening. My friend asked me the question again. I didn't know where I got the courage to say "oo". Everybody yelled. I saw him looked at me. I saw him smiled...
I smiled for a while but the fact that I am losing him kept my tears from falling heavier and heavier. That day was one of the darkest days in my life. That was the day when he said the nerve-wrecking words. The very day he asked me to let him go. I've got no idea, but I had let him leave without asking why.
Two weeks later I learned from a friend that he was courting somebody else. Someone who happened to be one of my closest friends. The news had really hollered my nerve. I was in deep pain.
Since we were on the same class, I saw how happy they were together. I saw how they giggled. I saw how tight he hugged her. I saw how he cared for her. I saw how he loved her. A month ago, I was on that girl's place. I was the one being taken cared of.
I was totally shattered. My studies were even neglected. He was all I needed. And I wanted him back.
He's generally good in class but he seldomly does his homework and projects. Whenever I learn that he was not able to do them, I would secretly do the stuff for him.Everybody was pushing me to move on but I chose to stay there and wait for him. I had loved him so much and I had been more than willing to forgive him and accept him back.
The semester has ended. That time lolo also happened to take his vacation from his job. He's a ship-captain so we only see him every 6 months. One morning he asked me how I did in school. I showed him my class cards and as expected, I was scolded for hitting such low grades. I tearfully convinced him to let me enrol to a nursing school. I wanted to avoid him. But my lolo was firm. "Next sem makikita ko nanaman siya. Makikita ko nanaman silang magkasama. Masasaktan nanaman ako...” But still, I wanted him back...
2 long years had passed. I got tired of waiting. I eventually accepted that he's not really meant for me.
I learned that it is sometimes easier to let go than to hold on...
I learned that it is harder to move on when you are actually digging yourself deeper into the situation you're in..
I learned that you shouldn't fit yourself to a small-sized t-shirt when you actually have an extra large body..
I learned that when you are trying to wait for the person you're not sure would come back, you are actually hurting yourself with a sharp-edged knife--and the longer you wait, the more painful it will be..
I learned that closing his chapter in my life would not mean it's the ultimate end. It actually opened a new one...(=';'=)
…and then, two more years later, Mike came. He’s a lot better than the man I used to love….
I enjoyed talking to him….
We used to… do things together such as shop and badminton. He’s such a sweet lad…Always caring for my well-being...
Unfortunately, I had to go….
But I hope he’s still there when I come back.
…so we could go shopping together again...
And Mike did…
He waited for years…
On a regular day of work, I woke up and stared at the large city of Singapore. At a glance, I cannot help but compare the city of Manila with where I am now. I missed everything that I used to do in the Philippines, especially when I’m with Mike. I washed by face and shaved my legs. Then, I once again found myself staring from afar; reaching close to the window, hoping that I could have the chance to see his face again.
Realizing how much I miss my Brownie Mike, I picked up my mobile phone and called him up..
“Mike?”
“Who is this?” asked Mike, who obliviously just woke up…
“It’s me Kate, how are you?”
“Kate???” he asked with great enthusiasm. “I’m here in Singapore. Let’s meet!”
“Really?! But I already booked my flight to Philippines at 12 noon today! I wanted to surprise you and I can’t wait for another 1 long month to see you. I’m already on my way to the airport”
Mike did not reply…
“Mike, didn't you hear what I just said? I am on my way to the airport… I am now waiting for a cab…”
Then, someone tapped and said, “Can I help you with your luggage?”
That voice sounds awfully familiar; I immediately turned and surprise to see Mike…
“What are you doing here?”
‘Well, one of the reasons is that I can’t stand another day not seeing you.
Another is, I couldn't refuse to the offer here in as a luggage boy…this hotel pays good with their crew…’ he replied.
“what?, you accepted the offer?!”
“obviously” Mike replied grinningly
“but you should’ve applied for a better job.. I mean, Accenture is a well-known company in terms of IT. You should have --- uhh” kate sighed…
“Hahaha! I kid!!” Then Mike laughed out hard, almost catching his breath.
Unfortunately, I didn't like his joke. I stared at him for a few second and felt my tears falling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe he's here. Right in front of me. I wanted to hug him and perhaps kiss him but I didn't know if it was right.
"Are you sure you're leaving by noon?"
I was still caught in the moment of silence. It took another minute before his question come into me. I squeezed the passport that I am holding and realized that indeed, in a few hours, I need to ride that F@%&8*$$ plane and leave. I didn't want to. I wanna stay in his arms forever. I don't want to be away from him ever again.
"Wanna talk? Over a cup of Coffee..your treat!"
As soon as he threw the question, I instantly answered, "Sure!". He giggled. Perhaps, he noticed how the feeling of mixed excitement and sadness conquer me.
He carried my luggage back to my place. Silence dominate my room... It's just the two of us under that four-cornered room. What should I say? What should I do? Should I offer him something to drink? Oh my God! How should I entertain him?
"You looked a lot sexier than the last time I saw you", he whispered.
After I heard those words, I was drawn into deep silence. Everything was plain black. Next thing I knew, we were in a coffee shop... He was sipping a hot cappucino and I was sitting in front of him. Day-dreaming.
I still could not believe that Mike is here in Singapore…
Right here in front of me…
Drinking his cappuccino…
I was too mesmerized to realize that I missed my flight…
But then, love is more important that money,
I could regain what I loss in a matter of two weeks with my current salary…
So, missing that stupid flight is no waste after all…
We began planning our Christmas day,
When unexpectedly my phone begin to ring…
“hello?”
“Kate? “ said the caller
This voice surely sounds familiar, I could feel my heart beat faster by the second as I asked, “who is this?”
“It’s me Jake. I heard from former friends that you’re based in Singapore… and I was wondering if you could show me around since I just arrived…”
I could not speak… surely I missed Jake despite the heartache he caused me… but I could not bare to see Mike get hurt…
“What should I do?” I asked myself…
“I learned that it is sometimes easier to let go than to hold on...
I learned that it is harder to move on when you are actually digging yourself deeper into the situation you're in..
I learned that you shouldn't fit yourself to a small-sized t-shirt when you actually have an extra large body..
I learned that when you are trying to wait for the person you're not sure would come back, you are actually hurting yourself with a sharp-edged knife--and the longer you wait, the more painful it will be..”
These phrases kept repeating over my head. Years ago, I have completely let go of my feeling for Jake. But why am I getting so confused? Why does my heart beat louder and louder? I paused for another moment, leading to deep silence that drew Mike’s attention. Just then, I got surprised when Mike hold my hand. And like magic, the confusion suddenly vanished. The lingering disruptions causing my headache began to fade. I hung up to Jake and turned off my fone. I held my other hand close to Mike’s hand and realized that he has completely healed my swollen heart.
I then scolded myself.
“Why should I let myself get confused by Jake when the man who could give me perfect happiness is already right beside me?”
“Kate, there’s something I really wanted to tell you …” Mike suddenly said
And this time, his face has gotten all serious…
He slowly squeezed my hands as he said…
“ those years that we have been apart made me realize that … “ he started
"..it’s such a great mistake to ever let you go…
… to set you all alone in the wilderness that is unsafe and terrifying."
He then took a deep breath and said,
"Kate, I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, hoping that she loves me back…"
“…ehem…scratch that…”, then he giggled again as if he was mimicking Dianne, our past teammate. “Seriously now”, pauses to clear throat, “kate, you have grown to be such an amazing woman. I never thought that you could be this beautiful. Each time I look at you I can’t help but fall deeper. You complete the person that I am. I never felt so complete and alive when I’m with you. I may never have told you but our usual dates from the past, the window-shopping trip and the food trip, were part of my past that I will never ever forget. I am looking forward to doing those crazy romantic things again…with you.”
Pauses again to clear throat. Then, slowly knelt, still while holding my hand.
“Please tell me you feel the same way…”
“Oh Mike, you already knew what my answer would be…”
“yes, I’d love to do them again”
I cried once again, I held him up and hugged him tight…
and tighter…
No more fears.
No more holding back.
No more worries.
No more uncertainties...
I now know that he was the missing piece…
The one who completes me…
The one who will be there… no matter what…
For he had proven this in the past…
He remained beside me…
Waited years for my returned…
He has been and will always be there…
Even though the Café was filled with people, I do not feel their presence…
All I could see was me and my Brownie Mike…
As I reiterate before, I needed a brand new start…
No more goodbyes, only mornings with my beloved Mike.
I few moments more, we were touring the sites of Singapore. I hugged his arms as we cross the street just like before. I liked to believe nothing has changed. He escorted me as I bought lovely pink items from the sidewalk just after we ate at a fancy restaurant nearby. Then suddenly, as we were shopping at the CityLink Mall, a loud sound coming from closeby was heard and the crowd in the mall strated to panic.
Everyone screamed and ran towards the exit. I was about to grab Mike to pull him away from the crowd when, to my surprise, he was lying on the floor bathing in his own blood with a gunshot on his chest. I sat next to him, crying. I screamed on the top of my lungs hoping that someone could come and offer help.
Then from the thick panicking crowd emerged a man who is insanely laughing as he walked towards us. He wore a cap to disguise himself and carried a gun which he used to accomplish his plan of murder. His physique looked so familiar… so did his stance and overall aura…
Then, I knew who he was…
“JAKE……………………………!!”
There are truckloads of mess piled up on my study table that night -my unfinished plates in drawing, my 20-item unsolved problems in geometry and my homework in chemistry. My aunt had called me for a dinner but my empty stomach doesn't want to be filled. I just said "busog pa po..." I heard her say 'ang payat-payat na nga di pa kumakain, mamamatay ka diyan sa ginagawa mo'. I whispered "I wish I did..."
The phone rang. I hurriedly went towards the telephone. I was very eager to know who called. I wished it was him.. I hoped it was him.. I prayed it was him who called to say he's changing his mind. That he still needs me. That he still loves me. When i reached the phone I hurriedly lifted it. The voice on the other line was unfamiliar and he was looking for my cousin. My cousin laughed at me while saying "Pahiya ka no? Akala mo naman kasi laging sa'yo".
Feeling disappointed, I went back to my room and seated in front of the mirror. I stared at myself and uttered "asa ka pa…"
I took a deep breath. Suddenly, tears fell down cascading on my cheeks. Then one by one the memories of the past echoed in my memory...
I remembered how it was like during the first time I entered the university. I didn't like the place. I never dreamt of studying there. "Hindi dapat ako nandoon, dapat nasa Baguio ako, dapat nursing student ako. Si lolo kasi...” Until such time I got used to my new environment and everything that surrounds me became a common place.
One time my instructor in P.E. grouped the class into 5 groups. The grouping was based on our seating arrangement. Seating beside me was a chinky-eyed, fair-skinned man, about 6 ft tall. "Tsk... tsk... ka-group ko yung masungit na intsik..." The group i belonged was always commended. We were tagged as the 'best group' in class. Courtesy of him. He always had his good ideas - it made me notice him.
Chemistry is one of my fave subjects. I would go to one corner of the room, away from my classmates just to listen as attentively as I can. But one time, during our chemistry class, he sat beside me. He asked me if I could make him a poem. I said "ok" and hoped he would stop but to my surprise, he talked, talked and talked. That was the very first time I missed taking notes from my Chem class - the very first time I allowed somebody to interrupt me from listening. It all started there. We began to call each other at night and talk until dawn.
One weekend, we were at one of our classmate's house, doing our homework in drawing. He handed me a piece of paper. On that paper was written "I love you...”
..I was dumbfounded...
Few weeks later while waiting for our professor for the next subject one of my friends asked me in front of the class and in front of him if I love him too. Cornered, I looked at him. He was busy manipulating his calculator, as if nothing was happening. My friend asked me the question again. I didn't know where I got the courage to say "oo". Everybody yelled. I saw him looked at me. I saw him smiled...
I smiled for a while but the fact that I am losing him kept my tears from falling heavier and heavier. That day was one of the darkest days in my life. That was the day when he said the nerve-wrecking words. The very day he asked me to let him go. I've got no idea, but I had let him leave without asking why.
Two weeks later I learned from a friend that he was courting somebody else. Someone who happened to be one of my closest friends. The news had really hollered my nerve. I was in deep pain.
Since we were on the same class, I saw how happy they were together. I saw how they giggled. I saw how tight he hugged her. I saw how he cared for her. I saw how he loved her. A month ago, I was on that girl's place. I was the one being taken cared of.
I was totally shattered. My studies were even neglected. He was all I needed. And I wanted him back.
He's generally good in class but he seldomly does his homework and projects. Whenever I learn that he was not able to do them, I would secretly do the stuff for him.Everybody was pushing me to move on but I chose to stay there and wait for him. I had loved him so much and I had been more than willing to forgive him and accept him back.
The semester has ended. That time lolo also happened to take his vacation from his job. He's a ship-captain so we only see him every 6 months. One morning he asked me how I did in school. I showed him my class cards and as expected, I was scolded for hitting such low grades. I tearfully convinced him to let me enrol to a nursing school. I wanted to avoid him. But my lolo was firm. "Next sem makikita ko nanaman siya. Makikita ko nanaman silang magkasama. Masasaktan nanaman ako...” But still, I wanted him back...
2 long years had passed. I got tired of waiting. I eventually accepted that he's not really meant for me.
I learned that it is sometimes easier to let go than to hold on...
I learned that it is harder to move on when you are actually digging yourself deeper into the situation you're in..
I learned that you shouldn't fit yourself to a small-sized t-shirt when you actually have an extra large body..
I learned that when you are trying to wait for the person you're not sure would come back, you are actually hurting yourself with a sharp-edged knife--and the longer you wait, the more painful it will be..
I learned that closing his chapter in my life would not mean it's the ultimate end. It actually opened a new one...(=';'=)
…and then, two more years later, Mike came. He’s a lot better than the man I used to love….
I enjoyed talking to him….
We used to… do things together such as shop and badminton. He’s such a sweet lad…Always caring for my well-being...
Unfortunately, I had to go….
But I hope he’s still there when I come back.
…so we could go shopping together again...
And Mike did…
He waited for years…
On a regular day of work, I woke up and stared at the large city of Singapore. At a glance, I cannot help but compare the city of Manila with where I am now. I missed everything that I used to do in the Philippines, especially when I’m with Mike. I washed by face and shaved my legs. Then, I once again found myself staring from afar; reaching close to the window, hoping that I could have the chance to see his face again.
Realizing how much I miss my Brownie Mike, I picked up my mobile phone and called him up..
“Mike?”
“Who is this?” asked Mike, who obliviously just woke up…
“It’s me Kate, how are you?”
“Kate???” he asked with great enthusiasm. “I’m here in Singapore. Let’s meet!”
“Really?! But I already booked my flight to Philippines at 12 noon today! I wanted to surprise you and I can’t wait for another 1 long month to see you. I’m already on my way to the airport”
Mike did not reply…
“Mike, didn't you hear what I just said? I am on my way to the airport… I am now waiting for a cab…”
Then, someone tapped and said, “Can I help you with your luggage?”
That voice sounds awfully familiar; I immediately turned and surprise to see Mike…
“What are you doing here?”
‘Well, one of the reasons is that I can’t stand another day not seeing you.
Another is, I couldn't refuse to the offer here in as a luggage boy…this hotel pays good with their crew…’ he replied.
“what?, you accepted the offer?!”
“obviously” Mike replied grinningly
“but you should’ve applied for a better job.. I mean, Accenture is a well-known company in terms of IT. You should have --- uhh” kate sighed…
“Hahaha! I kid!!” Then Mike laughed out hard, almost catching his breath.
Unfortunately, I didn't like his joke. I stared at him for a few second and felt my tears falling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe he's here. Right in front of me. I wanted to hug him and perhaps kiss him but I didn't know if it was right.
"Are you sure you're leaving by noon?"
I was still caught in the moment of silence. It took another minute before his question come into me. I squeezed the passport that I am holding and realized that indeed, in a few hours, I need to ride that F@%&8*$$ plane and leave. I didn't want to. I wanna stay in his arms forever. I don't want to be away from him ever again.
"Wanna talk? Over a cup of Coffee..your treat!"
As soon as he threw the question, I instantly answered, "Sure!". He giggled. Perhaps, he noticed how the feeling of mixed excitement and sadness conquer me.
He carried my luggage back to my place. Silence dominate my room... It's just the two of us under that four-cornered room. What should I say? What should I do? Should I offer him something to drink? Oh my God! How should I entertain him?
"You looked a lot sexier than the last time I saw you", he whispered.
After I heard those words, I was drawn into deep silence. Everything was plain black. Next thing I knew, we were in a coffee shop... He was sipping a hot cappucino and I was sitting in front of him. Day-dreaming.
I still could not believe that Mike is here in Singapore…
Right here in front of me…
Drinking his cappuccino…
I was too mesmerized to realize that I missed my flight…
But then, love is more important that money,
I could regain what I loss in a matter of two weeks with my current salary…
So, missing that stupid flight is no waste after all…
We began planning our Christmas day,
When unexpectedly my phone begin to ring…
“hello?”
“Kate? “ said the caller
This voice surely sounds familiar, I could feel my heart beat faster by the second as I asked, “who is this?”
“It’s me Jake. I heard from former friends that you’re based in Singapore… and I was wondering if you could show me around since I just arrived…”
I could not speak… surely I missed Jake despite the heartache he caused me… but I could not bare to see Mike get hurt…
“What should I do?” I asked myself…
“I learned that it is sometimes easier to let go than to hold on...
I learned that it is harder to move on when you are actually digging yourself deeper into the situation you're in..
I learned that you shouldn't fit yourself to a small-sized t-shirt when you actually have an extra large body..
I learned that when you are trying to wait for the person you're not sure would come back, you are actually hurting yourself with a sharp-edged knife--and the longer you wait, the more painful it will be..”
These phrases kept repeating over my head. Years ago, I have completely let go of my feeling for Jake. But why am I getting so confused? Why does my heart beat louder and louder? I paused for another moment, leading to deep silence that drew Mike’s attention. Just then, I got surprised when Mike hold my hand. And like magic, the confusion suddenly vanished. The lingering disruptions causing my headache began to fade. I hung up to Jake and turned off my fone. I held my other hand close to Mike’s hand and realized that he has completely healed my swollen heart.
I then scolded myself.
“Why should I let myself get confused by Jake when the man who could give me perfect happiness is already right beside me?”
“Kate, there’s something I really wanted to tell you …” Mike suddenly said
And this time, his face has gotten all serious…
He slowly squeezed my hands as he said…
“ those years that we have been apart made me realize that … “ he started
"..it’s such a great mistake to ever let you go…
… to set you all alone in the wilderness that is unsafe and terrifying."
He then took a deep breath and said,
"Kate, I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, hoping that she loves me back…"
“…ehem…scratch that…”, then he giggled again as if he was mimicking Dianne, our past teammate. “Seriously now”, pauses to clear throat, “kate, you have grown to be such an amazing woman. I never thought that you could be this beautiful. Each time I look at you I can’t help but fall deeper. You complete the person that I am. I never felt so complete and alive when I’m with you. I may never have told you but our usual dates from the past, the window-shopping trip and the food trip, were part of my past that I will never ever forget. I am looking forward to doing those crazy romantic things again…with you.”
Pauses again to clear throat. Then, slowly knelt, still while holding my hand.
“Please tell me you feel the same way…”
“Oh Mike, you already knew what my answer would be…”
“yes, I’d love to do them again”
I cried once again, I held him up and hugged him tight…
and tighter…
No more fears.
No more holding back.
No more worries.
No more uncertainties...
I now know that he was the missing piece…
The one who completes me…
The one who will be there… no matter what…
For he had proven this in the past…
He remained beside me…
Waited years for my returned…
He has been and will always be there…
Even though the Café was filled with people, I do not feel their presence…
All I could see was me and my Brownie Mike…
As I reiterate before, I needed a brand new start…
No more goodbyes, only mornings with my beloved Mike.
I few moments more, we were touring the sites of Singapore. I hugged his arms as we cross the street just like before. I liked to believe nothing has changed. He escorted me as I bought lovely pink items from the sidewalk just after we ate at a fancy restaurant nearby. Then suddenly, as we were shopping at the CityLink Mall, a loud sound coming from closeby was heard and the crowd in the mall strated to panic.
Everyone screamed and ran towards the exit. I was about to grab Mike to pull him away from the crowd when, to my surprise, he was lying on the floor bathing in his own blood with a gunshot on his chest. I sat next to him, crying. I screamed on the top of my lungs hoping that someone could come and offer help.
Then from the thick panicking crowd emerged a man who is insanely laughing as he walked towards us. He wore a cap to disguise himself and carried a gun which he used to accomplish his plan of murder. His physique looked so familiar… so did his stance and overall aura…
Then, I knew who he was…
“JAKE……………………………!!”
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