Sunday, February 17, 2008

Me and My Conscience

I can’t help but share one phrase I read from a book of quotations about what conscience is. According to the book, conscience is the voice that screams within a person every time he skips his diet. When I read that exact definition, I can’t help but laugh. I thought that it was too shallow, in fact does not even embody the true meaning of the word conscience.

Just recently, I realized that the quote was indeed right. Not that I went into a strict diet, but it just seemed to hit me when I found myself listening to other people’s problems. I realized that when a person is caught in the middle and is bound to make an important decision, there is some sort of battle between his conscience, and his personal desire especially if such is not in accordance with what is morally upright. Conscience is the voice that screams within a person to remind him that what he is doing is no longer within the realm of universally accepted norms and standards. Dieting may not be a universally valued norm, but the fact that the person was driven to achieve the goal of having a perfect figure; it already becomes a personal value which is subjected to the standards of the conscience. Conscience is not the voice that cries every time a person made something wrong but rather, it is the voice that scolds and screams at him to remind him that he has failed the call of his conscience. It repeatedly tells him that his acts are no longer in the light of what is true and just. As such, these are the reasons why I have fully accepted the definition of conscience as a voice that screams every time a person skips his diet.

I usually play devil’s advocate every time someone would share his sentiments to me, but the truth is, it’s just my defense mechanism to lighten up the situation. I am a person who would rather keep to myself the problems I experience and deal with them on my own. That is exactly the reason why I feel so unfair every time I’m on hot seat and I suddenly divert the topic to something else just to escape being intrigued and questioned.

The reason why I usually am alone is because I have a strong trust with my conscience. I need not consult my problems with other people because, usually if I do, I end up being confused and resorting to wrong alternatives. In my life, I’ve made quite a number of decisions, but I cannot remember one which I ever regretted. My parents are very supportive of me; in fact, they trust me so much that they even let me decide on my own about what courses of actions to take. I was the one who decided what school to enroll to when I finished elementary education, and it was also I who decided to choose Ateneo over other schools and other scholarship offerings.

They say I’m a loner but I know I’m not. It may seem be true that it’s okay with me if you can lock me up my room for a year and ban me from seeing my friends, but I like to believe that it is just my way of securing to myself the importance of contemplating. I really like being alone in silence because it actually clears my mind and think of a better perspective. I am not outspoken but I know how much I value the people around me.

My silence is best justified by the ideas I have formulated. I am creative and very innovative. If there’s a way I can get through a problem without sacrificing the welfare of others as a consequence, I would, even if t would me getting into a longer process. I am very idealistic and I can see the possible problems before it occurs. I am result-oriented and goal-driven, but less of a sociable person. You can even count the number of my friends using your fingers.

I enjoy my life even if I only have few people to share it with. I am very choosy with my friends. I tag along with people with the same values as mine. It is hard to win my trust but a lot easier to lose it. I truly recognize the importance of other people in someone’s life especially since they give security and genuine feeling of belongingness. However, oftentimes, people tend to get influenced by the wrong doings of their so-called friends. I don’t want to end up like them who neglected their right to reason just to for their friends to like them. For my 20 years of existence, I am proud that I have never taken any illegal drugs, smoked a stick of cigarette, nor finished a bottle of beer. I am clean and I’m proud of it.

Another thing about getting solo is the fact that once you do, you are able to get a dialogue with the conscience. It clears the mind and deletes external delusions. It helps you contemplate and realize the importance of the promotion of values more than anything.

Conscience is the sense of what is right and wrong that governs somebody's thoughts and actions, urging him or her to do right rather than wrong. It, however, does not necessitate personal separation from worldly things. Neither, it is solely about genuine involvement in the recollection. In our everyday living, we make dialogue with our conscience even if we do not do it. Our conscience verifies our action to be true and justifiable based from our self-enumerated interests. Inconsideration of the dictate of the conscience make a person less of a man to stand for what he’s values are. Not unless, environmental factors push him to decide and ignore the dictate of his conscience. He may escape the situation at large, but never his conscience. It will continue to haunt him for as long as he has not forgiven himself.

I am a conscientious person (at least I believe I am). My conscience and I are best buddies. I consider ‘him’ in every decision I make. I recognize his voice in my daily life. Thus, I am afraid of him to get mad at me and to start nagging at me like my mum usually does every morning. I wanted us to remain friends and be good partners as I make all sorts of decisions in the attainment of my goals.

I am off to a good start. My decisions were great. And it gave a nice result. That is why I promise I will still follow the voice of my conscience everyday. I trust my conscience more than any other entity here on earth. And I will continue to believe in it, uhmm… like forever. I believe that if I will continue to, my decisions will always be directed towards what is right. It will ultimately give me a label of being a moral person.